Fear

Sometimes I'm afraid...

Afraid of, what if I never fall in love again?

Or what if I'm not able to love someone back?

Well, to be able to love someone back I'd have to fall for them first.

Most people think I've never been in a relationship... which is true.

But you don't have to be in a relationship to be in love...

I think the first time I had truly fallen in love was also the last time. Not the last time in my whole life, but the last time in all my life that I've lived yet.

She was the reason I started writing.

I wrote for her,

All the cheesy things I could.

When it was over, it felt so weird, because I never had closure.

There was no "officiating" the end of what could have been.

But somewhere I knew it was over, because this affection that I had for her seemed to be unrequited.

I complicate things and I feel too much, but that's what I am,

A cheesy mess of all things in life.

People have fallen for me before,

Such people whose love I couldn't reciprocate

To them,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you fell for me.

I'm sorry you thought that you had to be loved to be complete.

I'm sorry society makes you think that you are broken unless you find the missing piece

And I'm sorry you thought that missing piece was me.

I'm sorry I couldn't show you how beautiful you are.

I'm sorry you couldn't see the sight for yourself.

I'm sorry that you tried so hard to be someone that you thought was better than yourself.

Loving someone doesn't mean you have to be in love with them.

They are two different things.

But people most of the times don't know the difference between the two.

I can love my best friend but that does not mean I am in love with them.

I can be in love with a person but that doesn't mean I love the person.

You must be wondering 'How is the latter possible?'

Well, ever heard of Love-hate relationships?

So my fear is....

What if I fall again? But for someone who would be oblivious to it?

What if I shut up before I even give it a chance to bloom?

What if I never let myself fall in love again?

What if....

Even if I manage to get her, give and make love to her, but leave her in the end?

I am afraid that I would run away.

I don't want to run away.