Sometimes

Sorry

These days all I seem to be is Sorry

Was I always this sorry ?

Taking comfort in the apologies of my uncommitted crimes

My own voice echoing through my skull

They tell me that it's okay,

But will it ever be truly okay ?

I am sorry

Sorry for existing.

After all,

the crimes that you hold me guilty for

would have never happened if I didn't exist.

You tell me it's my fault

My thought are running around

Begging to know

"What can I do to make it right ?"

Is there something that I can even do ?

Sometimes they ask me

"Are you okay ?"

So I lie through my teeth

My prideful smile playing on my lips

Pulling my cheeks up

And keeping my head high

"Yup"

Sometimes they ask me 'why ?'

Why do you keep it on when you don't need it ?

Why do you listen to music when you study ?

Why don't you talk ?

Why don't you ?

WHY DON'T I WHAT ?!

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT AS AN ANSWER ?!

I AM ALL ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS, WHICH RUN AROUND CAUSING MAYHEM WITHIN ME

These thoughts will be the death of me

Or have they already killed me ?

Too dramatic you may say

Huh

Doesn't seem dramatic when ... Nevermind

You ask why I keep the AC on even though my room is cold ?

The low hum of the machine keeps my ears occupied. The cold air pinches my skin telling me that I still have senses

I can still feel

I am still alive.

You ask why I listen to music while studying ?

The sounds keep my brain from going into thoughts. Thoughts you wish I'd never had. But you can't step into my brain can you. Only I can help myself...

Take away my headphones, turn off the AC, switch off the fan.

Give me a pen, some paper and my calculus

The shrill hum of the silence blows in my ear

Reminding me that I am all alone in the room

Do you have any idea how tempting it is ?

It's all so simple yet

You had to go and complicate it

Trying produce a will to live within me.