Daylight

Do I miss them for their wisdom 
or because they're dead?

Is it the idea of remembering someone?

Or the fact that you can think them up to be whatever you want 

no body to dispute it

For the dead will be dead

Whether they are alive or not

Doesn't matter

No memory serves well

No way to confirm eccentricities or idiosyncrasies 

It didn't matter to me when they were alive

So why do i care now?

What do i bring to the feast of sorrow?

When did I ever give a shit about him?

I don't care about what is alive

What he has left after him

My behaviour says 

"it's all all dead"

So why do i catch myself thinking back to him?

I hope you never find yourself waiting for the sun to rise

For it would be the longest night you'll spend

Sorryforyourloss

Somtimes 

When my teeth hurt at night

I think I'm rotting;

And one day

All my teeth will fall out.

And when my knees ache in the cold

I feel just like my mother

Though I'm still 20

My bones feel older

Blood shot eyes from staring 

I feel like my father 

I think I've gotten off track 

I have my mother's eyes and my father's face.

I'm shorter but I want to lift up the world

So i can overthrow it.

I don't actually know what I want.

Runt.

I feel like a genius 

I feel like a burnout

I feel average 

I feel depressed

There it is

The toothache

The embodiment of my agony.

Have my emotions gotten tired of me?

Are they trying to swim?

My eyes feel sticky

I don't close them often enough

They're drying out 

I try to drink more water

But i wish I could lick my eyes like geckos do

To make up for the irritation.

Irritation 

Everyone is so nice and so pleased to meet you 

And I'm such a delight for I am still alive.

Wonder what could be said if I wasn't

"So True" "Genuinely" "Literally" "Absolutely" 

And the little abundant giggles will be my redemption.

Goodbye

I never learnt how to say good bye

They taught me how to say hello 

How to learn about them

Likes; dislikes

Finding out commonalities

Like the details of a beetle wing

Holographic rows of crystals 

And how it makes the light bend

How to press flowers 

How to polish shoes 

Iron your shirts and comb your hair

Carry gum and a pocket watch

Tell the time to drop them off

But never how to say good bye

How do you break a heart and then say

"Good bye and best of luck" 

Without sounding like an asshole

How do you express 

"I wish I could have loved you as much as you loved me"

How do you show 

"I'm so sorry for the way things have turned out but this is the best I can do"

How do you say good bye to something you were too afraid to try

No one taught me that

How do I learn 

If not by trying

But at what cost

At what fucking cost

A dozen or two broken heart?

I'd rather not say goodbye 

heartbreaks aren't always obvious

they're not seen by everyone

sometimes a heart breaks between typing

when they change the 'when' to an 'if'

they break their own hearts before someone else can

it's so sad

heartbreak is also when their immediate response to upsetting news is

'that's okay'

they start comforting you immediately

it's like you're watching them from behind a glass

and you can't stop yourself from comforting them

even though you're the one who is upset

but it's your fault you got so attached

how many lessons must you learn in love 

how many lessons till i graduate 

till i get a lover of mine

what more should i learn to be an ideal partner

what more 

what more 

what more