Predicament

I'm in a predicament
Because I can't decide
Am I a hypocrite
Or a fucking paradox

I used to be attracted to what was familiar to me
The way a scared child would run to their mother
I guess I used to be scared then

But now I don't know what state of mind am I in
Because I try to run away from everything familiar
Still afraid, but of tainting them with myself
Even after all these years I
My faith in me is as shaky as ever

In moments like these I'm jealous of all the ignorant ones
I wished I could be them
I wish I could move on as easily as they tell me to
I wish I was a trash bag in a park
Just collecting dust and once in a while people would use me for what I am meant to be.
I could do nothing wrong.

Ideal

But I'm not