A

It's so crazy
that at a point of time
all I could think about were
two bespectacled eyes
looking back at me and smiling
Teasing about being all my firsts in life
Ambition was a good colour on her and it was all I could see
Everywhere I turned
I saw someone that looked like her
and I wished that they would turn into her

Now

Another girl occupies my mind
and plagues all my insecurities
And I'm helpless
Not much can be said or done
I can just watch time trickle down my veins and wait for her

Predicament

I'm in a predicament
Because I can't decide
Am I a hypocrite
Or a fucking paradox

I used to be attracted to what was familiar to me
The way a scared child would run to their mother
I guess I used to be scared then

But now I don't know what state of mind am I in
Because I try to run away from everything familiar
Still afraid, but of tainting them with myself
Even after all these years I
My faith in me is as shaky as ever

In moments like these I'm jealous of all the ignorant ones
I wished I could be them
I wish I could move on as easily as they tell me to
I wish I was a trash bag in a park
Just collecting dust and once in a while people would use me for what I am meant to be.
I could do nothing wrong.

Ideal

But I'm not

Salt

I wonder if I shave my head
will my ears rest easy on the pillow at night?
Will they stop troubling my mind
with all the whispers that got stuck on them like gunk
I should shower in the morning and clean my ears out,
properly.
Maybe it'll grow out curlier

When I have trouble falling asleep
all i think about is the sweat trickling down my body
staining the bed sheets
no  no  no
they should remain clean!!

All the stupid things I've seen in this world will never amount to why I continue to stay here in  a bubble world of carbon footprints larger than a giant's feet

The meek will inherit the earth
ants and cockroaches will rule it
and I hope thy run over my body with their little legs
I hope they make their home in my chest
and feed off of my rotting flesh
At least some one will make a home in me
even if in the post apocalyptic

Nobody left to salt the earth behind them

Nonsense

I wrote a letter to you.

Another letter.

Another letter.

Another letter

Another letter.

Another letter.

Another letter.

Another letter.

Another letter.

And another letter.

But the last one never reached you
because it was too late.

I kept that letter in my bag for a week.

I ran into you many times.

But we both pretend that I'm invisible

so I never gave it to you.

One day,
I took a lighter
and watched my words
turn to ashes.

Sometimes the good and the bad
make sense.
I let you see all of them
But not this

Nonsense, never makes sense.

But you did.