heartbreaks aren't always obvious

they're not seen by everyone

sometimes a heart breaks between typing

when they change the 'when' to an 'if'

they break their own hearts before someone else can

it's so sad

heartbreak is also when their immediate response to upsetting news is

'that's okay'

they start comforting you immediately

it's like you're watching them from behind a glass

and you can't stop yourself from comforting them

even though you're the one who is upset

but it's your fault you got so attached

how many lessons must you learn in love 

how many lessons till i graduate 

till i get a lover of mine

what more should i learn to be an ideal partner

what more 

what more 

what more

Sleepover

 i planned my dates with a dead man

his corpse lying beneath me

the hacked off hair bestrewn

on the ceremonial cloths of his life

and i fell in love with a dead man

for the 40th year of my life

and i looked like it was my first year

of ever having a crush

the same morose look

a glassy eyed façade-towards the world

rose-tinted perhaps

but like a ticking time-bomb

i could never know when it would come off

and i dream of the boy

who writes down each date he cries on

with his cropped off hair like an egg

sleeping on the floor with the alligators

he eats his noodles with a spoon

and soup is a dislike

he settles his home in the bathroom

after his 8th glass

sugar cubes for the horse

and the fawns alike

they mutter to each other in the stables

before the dawns light

i dream of being in his arms

the boy with his heavy back

shoulders of a bull

chin of a moon

square feet and palms

sitting in the sand

our feet over drift wood

getting lost on his 4th glass

staring at the gravel of the train tracks as if they were the stars

Lately

lately

i've been 

thinking 

about calling you 

but my stomach dissolves in itself

i

think of calling you up

"let us pretend, nothing bad ever happened"

i'd tell you about my day and how much i missed you

(you'd tell me about yours and how much you missed me)

i'd tell you about how i waited for you for so long

(i can't imagine what you would say to that)

i'm still not past it

and i dream of lengthy conversations 

all over again

it sounds like i want to fall in love with you again

but you're not the same

neither am i

so do i miss you or do i miss 

the feeling 

of

being in love?

Guest

I have a heart that keeps on pumping

pumping

pumping 

pumping

pumping

i am tired

yet it pumps

relentlessly

never slowing down to take a break

why?

why won't my heart stop beating?

I sang a song to the spider in my bathroom;

it appeared out of the drain.

Is that where spiders are born?

In the sink drain, 

where all the hair collects and makes a nest?

I ran to clutch my instrument!

Guest in the bathroom!

Sang a little love song as it climbed the wall

with my foot on the counter

as if I were serenading the guest.

The spider stopped after a little bit 

as I finished the song.

Soon I took a bow and left the spider I loved

on my blue bathroom wall.

Left to learn a new song,

so that maybe tomorrow I can entertain another guest.