heartbreaks aren't always obvious

they're not seen by everyone

sometimes a heart breaks between typing

when they change the 'when' to an 'if'

they break their own hearts before someone else can

it's so sad

heartbreak is also when their immediate response to upsetting news is

'that's okay'

they start comforting you immediately

it's like you're watching them from behind a glass

and you can't stop yourself from comforting them

even though you're the one who is upset

but it's your fault you got so attached

how many lessons must you learn in love 

how many lessons till i graduate 

till i get a lover of mine

what more should i learn to be an ideal partner

what more 

what more 

what more

Sleepover

 i planned my dates with a dead man

his corpse lying beneath me

the hacked off hair bestrewn

on the ceremonial cloths of his life

and i fell in love with a dead man

for the 40th year of my life

and i looked like it was my first year

of ever having a crush

the same morose look

a glassy eyed façade-towards the world

rose-tinted perhaps

but like a ticking time-bomb

i could never know when it would come off

and i dream of the boy

who writes down each date he cries on

with his cropped off hair like an egg

sleeping on the floor with the alligators

he eats his noodles with a spoon

and soup is a dislike

he settles his home in the bathroom

after his 8th glass

sugar cubes for the horse

and the fawns alike

they mutter to each other in the stables

before the dawns light

i dream of being in his arms

the boy with his heavy back

shoulders of a bull

chin of a moon

square feet and palms

sitting in the sand

our feet over drift wood

getting lost on his 4th glass

staring at the gravel of the train tracks as if they were the stars

Lately

lately

i've been 

thinking 

about calling you 

but my stomach dissolves in itself

i

think of calling you up

"let us pretend, nothing bad ever happened"

i'd tell you about my day and how much i missed you

(you'd tell me about yours and how much you missed me)

i'd tell you about how i waited for you for so long

(i can't imagine what you would say to that)

i'm still not past it

and i dream of lengthy conversations 

all over again

it sounds like i want to fall in love with you again

but you're not the same

neither am i

so do i miss you or do i miss 

the feeling 

of

being in love?

Guest

I have a heart that keeps on pumping

pumping

pumping 

pumping

pumping

i am tired

yet it pumps

relentlessly

never slowing down to take a break

why?

why won't my heart stop beating?

I sang a song to the spider in my bathroom;

it appeared out of the drain.

Is that where spiders are born?

In the sink drain, 

where all the hair collects and makes a nest?

I ran to clutch my instrument!

Guest in the bathroom!

Sang a little love song as it climbed the wall

with my foot on the counter

as if I were serenading the guest.

The spider stopped after a little bit 

as I finished the song.

Soon I took a bow and left the spider I loved

on my blue bathroom wall.

Left to learn a new song,

so that maybe tomorrow I can entertain another guest.

Bitter

I hope lovers fall asleep and never wake up
like the ones at Pompeii.
I hope they find dreams in each other's arms 

and they never wake up.

It may be ill of me to wish such a curse

upon all the lovers in the world

but I wish not for them to know

how cruel the world is. 

For once they are awake

they are bound to be bitter.

Bitter towards the broken dreams

and towards each other.

I hope the lovers are spared of this bitterness, 

which seems so human in it's own fault

Maybe if all the lovers fell asleep at once,

the world will be rid of love.

Love is the hope in the darkest times,

without lovers, will we still know how to love?

Test out your humanity.

Will new lovers evolve, who never sleep?

Eggshells

I don't know who I am dreaming of anymore
but my dreams feel beautiful.

I need to put up curtains 

so that I can sleep.

The sun is too bright, 

however you see it.

You can't see the sun from my bedroom window,

hell you can't see anything but white walls.

There is a wall right next to it, 

one in front of it and a few surrounding it, 

Yet the sunlight shines through the vines climbing on the grill

and at it's peak, reflect off the wall and into my eyes.

What ever did I do to the architect of the house and the sun

that they push my sleep away through their schemes. 

Yet the lizard on my window grill 

appreciates their shenanigans.

It lazes in the light, 

the blood running warm

as I squint on my glowing screen 

to differentiate between we're and were.

We are in a room together.

Laughing under covers in the winter 

talking about drugs and dolphins

men shitting their pants while riding motorcycles

I tell you the story of the sailor who the sea was in love with

and how she fell out of love

into a cold and quiet sense

like a marriage that fell apart

I saw all of it unfold in a dream.

We were in a room together.

But now I can't stand the thought of it.

How can you face me again?

How can I face you without thinking twice

without the thought of slapping you crossing my mind

But I'll always tell you the story of how much the ocean loved the sailor

and how he watched the life in her, 

hoping he could have loved her more.

When all he got were the quiet still waves,

he wished to stir her up with his own hands-splashing in the water.

What is the touch of someone you loved 

against an ocean of cold depth. 

Life frozen in glaciers, 

waiting for the summer to come 

and bring her back life.